Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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