I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
