Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
