We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
