The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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