I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
