guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
