What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
