so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
