worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
