And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
