whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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