the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
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he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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