It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
