Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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