If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
