You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
