You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
