I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
