Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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