ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
