You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
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You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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