at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
