dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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