I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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