margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
