To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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