Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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