You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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