you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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