tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
