Cold hands, warm shart.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
