i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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