So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home