apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
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She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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