Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I am not joking.

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  (503): I just pulled a feather out of my vagina. (503): I am not joking. http://tfl.nu/l5ol
  Replies (30) Good night (1562) Bad night (4092)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  and?

  (514): View more from Quebec

  luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...

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  (514): so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother. (1-514): and? (514): luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne... http://tfl.nu/rdil
  Replies (48) Good night (4201) Bad night (946)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  wtf?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.

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  (610): I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now. (412): wtf? (610): Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit. http://tfl.nu/b93y
  Replies (22) Good night (1014) Bad night (3660)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex

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  (712): I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex http://tfl.nu/ubpb
  Replies (20) Good night (3666) Bad night (1025)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  i want to swaddle you in tequila

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  (206): i want to swaddle you in tequila http://tfl.nu/ks6c
  Replies (4) Good night (2768) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He tried peeing out of the sunroof.

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  (847): He tried peeing out of the sunroof. http://tfl.nu/ep38
  Replies (5) Good night (1493) Bad night (3218)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.

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  (412): You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it. http://tfl.nu/867s
  Replies (3) Good night (1880) Bad night (929)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...

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  (731): Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels... http://tfl.nu/6gyu
  Replies (22) Good night (1577) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.

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  (360): I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job. http://tfl.nu/8nby
  Replies (2) Good night (841) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?

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  (832): I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going? http://tfl.nu/o7kr
  Replies (8) Good night (1243) Bad night (834)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...

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  (717): And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill... http://tfl.nu/3r4q
  Replies (5) Good night (954) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?

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  (630): I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up? http://tfl.nu/45h3
  Replies (1) Good night (353) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.

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  (916): He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying. http://tfl.nu/67jj
  Replies (2) Good night (806) Bad night (400)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works

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  (647): We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works http://tfl.nu/o9x9
  Replies (1) Good night (533) Bad night (210)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry

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  (469): I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry http://tfl.nu/w76m
  Replies (2) Good night (495) Bad night (287)

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