Will you blow on my dice?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal