when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize