I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
