genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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