She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
