She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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