Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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