If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
