I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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