My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
