I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
