Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
