you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
