You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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