please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
