So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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