Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
