i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
