I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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