He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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