cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
