really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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