in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't put those talents on a resume
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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