Hey man sorry I got all grabby
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
