Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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