she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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