you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
