I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
