so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize