I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Please, let me fuck your mom
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
