well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
