Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
