Even the bartender felt bad for me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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