Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im six kinds of drunk right now
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
