Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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