yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
two words...techno handjob
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
