Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
