you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
