i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Randomize
