You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Randomize
