So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
