I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
