I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
