i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
