Pappa wants mamma naked
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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