May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm having to shit out rocks
I see more hoeing in ur future
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