i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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