Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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