My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
