dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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